Day 33 I love you more

 Yesterdays blog has obviously got a few of us thinking. This is never a bad thing 😁

It took me in my mind to a day a few years ago where I was at some sort of worship day conference.  At the time I was really struggling in my head to let go of something which I recognised was starting to consume me.  There was a friendship Id had with someone for years which had become very needy and a bit emotionally manipulative.  In my head I knew the best thing for me would be to disconnect.  But my heart was very much in the place that I didnt want to do that.  This person needed and depended on me - or at least they told me they did and that of course made me feel good.  I worried what would happen if I stepped back.  And then there was my own emotion tied up in it.  How do you 'drop' someone you have known for years and shared life with and loved?   I was tying myself up in knots about this because I could hear the Holy Spirit prompting me that things needed to change.

In the worship conference I put these thoughts aside to focus on what was being shared from the front.  But to my surprise the main talk of the day was nothing to do with 'worship'.  It was all to do with integrity and heart.  And it struck me to the core.  At the response time I went up for prayer.  I was sobbing my heart out.  I knew that I had to repent of the way I had handled the friendship and I told Jesus that however important it felt to me, I loved Him more.  It felt like a sacrifice to say it but I knew it was true.  No person, no relationship, no circumstance can ever remotely come close to taking the place in my heart that He has.   I love Him more.  More than my kids, more than my marriage and my home and my friends and my church.  I love Him more than I love music and fruit scones.  More than feeling loved.  And that particular day I needed to say it out loud in front of witnesses.  Declaring the truth is super powerful.  Telling Jesus that I loved Him more suddenly set everything back in its right place.  A huge weight lifted off me.   Everything was OK again.

Ive talked elsewhere in these blogs about being wholehearted. Im absolutely convinced that being whole hearted is the key to pretty much everything.  Its the first commandment - to love the Lord our God with all of us. Living with the Holy Spirit and allowing Him to be in charge of our mind, will and emotions is a daily choice.  But its also a habit formed - and as we learn to bow to Him moment by moment it becomes part of our nature.  Its only occasionally when we need to press 'reset' and rein in those stray issues which have somehow wriggled themselves out of the true order things should be in.

As Easter approaches we all stop to contemplate the love Jesus had for us which took Him to the cross.  But to be honest that is only a small part of why I love Him more.  I love Him because for the past 45 years He has been kind to me.  He has shown me His favour.  He has protected and provided.  He has wonderfully kept my kids close to Him.  He has mercifully shown me that my God-denying parents both acknowledged Him before they died.  He has brought me to a church where I am trusted to use my gifts as I am led. He has allowed me to sit under wonderful Bible teaching and live in a nation where God is still largely acknowledged and celebrated. He has brought dear friends across my path and we have shared life together  .... and the list goes on.    But the challenge is this ..... if He had done none of those things would I still love Him more?   This is the Job question - and I think its really important.  Job didnt have Jesus and His sacrifice to consider.  He knew God was worthy of praise no matter what.  Just because God is God and His worth is not dependent on what we happen to think of Him



There are Christians in Nigeria and Iran and North Korea and many places in the world who love Jesus more than their lives.  They love Him through suffering and torture and pain.  They love Him when their children are killed in front of their eyes.  Ten years ago I would have told you that I didnt love Jesus like that.  I think I would have forfeited my faith if confronted by threat of death or torture.  Thirty years ago I came perilously close to selling out for the promise of love.   But today I think I can say that I love Jesus more. And genuinely mean it.   Im hoping He doesnt test me out on this - and next time you hear me bemoaning my lot and sweating the small stuff you can remind me about this post! 😊

As I typed 'love Jesus more' into Google images to find a nice picture to go with this page I found this


Id forgotten this critical question to Peter. But it confirmed to me that this is what Jesus is looking for - people who, despite all their faults and failings can say ' Yes Lord, You know I love You more'

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