Day 8 Parents

 Isnt God just so kind?

Over the last few years I have lost my Dad, my Mum and more recently my lovely step-mum.  My Mum was definitely not a Christian for most of her days.   My Dad and his wife went to church regularly but I never was able to quite fathom what Dad believed.  He liked liturgy, didnt have much time for sermons. I got the feeling that church for him was a cultural habit rather than anything living and active - but I couldn't be sure.   I didn't see much evidence of the fruit of the spirit in either parent - but I'm also aware that people looking at my life from the outside might not see much fruit either, so I opted not to judge and to leave in to Jesus to decide their ultimate eternal fate.   Dad died during covid.  I wasn't with him.  I spoke to him on the phone a few days before he died and I cant honestly remember if I asked him to promise me he would go with Jesus.  He was on a morphine pump at the end of his life.  Ive never been sure 'where he went'.

Mum was different.  Having eschewed all things God for most of her life at the end she happily said she would go with Jesus when He came for her.   His name was actually the  very last word she spoke.  I was there, and the peace in the house the morning she died was tangible.  Im pretty confident about where she went.

Yesterday I was on the phone to my brother.  Chatting about this and that.  And all of a sudden he started telling me about a conversation he had had with Dad not long before Dad died.  Apparently my father told my  brother that Jesus was the one to model himself on!!   When James told me that I had to ask him to repeat it.  I was stunned.   My Dad. who knew fine well what I believed, never once told me that he thought Jesus was The Way.  Ive spent the last five years wondering if Dad is with Jesus or not - and suspecting not.    So how very kind and wonderful of God to let me know, via my brother, that there is more than just a little hope that Dad is with Jesus right now.

It matters doesnt it?   Ruth commented the other day that it was a true privilege to watch her godly Dad take his final  breaths and embark on new adventures with his Lord.  Watching someone die is .... well... its strange.  But if you know where that person is going then theres a huge sense of ' rightness' and comfort in those last moments.   Witnessing to unbelieving dying people can feel like a huge and daunting task.   But we need to be brave and trust that we have nothing to lose, everything to gain and that we owe it to our parents to tell them the Truth,      We dont want to live with the regret of not saying what was in our heart to say.   God gives us opportunities and we need to seize them.   I seized a moment with my Mum and was truly astounded that she responded totally positively.   She knew she was dying - and dying surely does focus the mind.  

Many of us have already experienced the death of one or both parents, some are looking after elderly and ageing Mums and Dads.  Some may be a little way off from that moment, but we know its coming.  We need to talk about this more.  Especially men who I think can often be thrust into an unfamiliar role of caring for a parent and navigating the personal stuff in a way which women can perhaps find a bit less awkward.  Im very thankful that both my parents died at home.  I didnt have to navigate the health service or much of the social care stuff.  But most people do and its daunting.   Putting your parent into a care home must be traumatic.  Selling the family home can be so very very difficult.  It happens to all of us at this stage of our lives and we need all the help we can get to manage it.

The problem is that most of our peers have their  own plates full of ageing parents too. Its good to have that shared common experience - but equally we dont want to dump all our woes on friends who have enough woes of their own.

This is where a secret weapon comes in super handy.

You need a friend who is at least 10 years younger than you!!

My friend is called Lou.  She isnt a Christian - but she will be one day 😊  She is funny and fabulous and because she's that bit younger than me her parents arent yet at that stage of needing lots of her time and attention.  She listens. She is wise.  She brings a  bit of perspective and balance on days when things are tricky.   Yesterday I said that everyone needs some wise old input into their lives.  Today Im advocating for some youthful input too.  It takes a village to raise a child but it also takes one to care for the carers.  If you have been cast into a caring role recently or know you are about to be, then look to those you mentor to help you.  Your spiritual children ( as well as your natural children) were given for such a time as this.