Day 31 Appropriate

 A couple of days ago whilst thinking about the blog and what to write my wandering thoughts landed on the word APPROPRIATE.  I chewed over the word for a while and then did what I usually do which is go to the dictionary for a definition.

1)Adjective  -  fitting or compatible - eg he wore appropriate shoes for the terrain

2) Verb - to take or make us of without authority or right - eg the land has been appropriated for use by the organisation

Isnt it funny how one word can mean two almost opposite things.  As an adjective it is something suitable, fitting, proper.  As a verb it is something taken, used, annexed,  even stolen.  How is it that our language develops in such ways?  Its fascinating to me.

Anyhow, Im thinking about this word and wondering what it is God wants to say about it.  

There is nuance in the concept of appropriateness.  Something that isn't appropriate isn't necessarily wrong in and of itself.  It is just ill- judged and perhaps thoughtless.  The best example of something being inappropriate that Ive come across recently is a shop window display at Halloween last year.  The window consisted of an armchair with a skeleton sitting in it, 'reading'  a newspaper.  What is wrong with that you might wonder?  Well, nothing in and of itself.  But the shop which had decided to display this skeleton was an Action Cancer charity shop.  I had to stop and do a double take. To me that display just seemed to be massively insensitive and utterly inappropriate.   In any other shop window it probably would have just been mildly amusing.  But in a shop raising funds for cancer research........

And perhaps this is the point God wants to make today.  Something which we might consider innocuous and harmless might be offensive or inappropriate to someone else.  Or something we can do happily in our own church might not be appropriate in a different church.  I think this is something we need to explain to the younger generations in our congregations.  They might not quite understand that the way they dress and speak and behave is being watched by others. Modesty and politeness and deference are not part of the culture in which our young adults are growing up these days.  But in church we need to respect each other more than the world respects. We need to speak more gently, act more kindly and do our utmost not to cause offense.  Because it is by our love that the world will know we belong to Jesus.

A retired gentleman turned up in our church a couple of years ago.  He had spent every Sunday for his entire life in a suit and tie going to a church which expected men to be so dressed.  When he turned up at our church he found everyone in casual attire and he found it really strange.  He said he understood entirely that God didnt need us to dress in any particular way and that in some ways it was good to be relaxed and comfortable in church.  But he also felt that wearing a suit on a Sunday was a mark of respect.  It set the day apart and made it different.  It took some effort and it looked smart.  I told him he should wear his suit if thats what he wanted to do.  And I joked that he might up the tone of our services cos we are a pretty shabby bunch.   He laughed.  And he hasn't ever come to church in a suit - he's got used to the informality.   But I do understand the dilemma.  His old church had a 'uniform'  - men wore suits and women wore dresses.  We have a different uniform of jeans and sweatshirts.  Knowing the dress code helps people fit in and feel acceptable.  The fact is that both types of churches would welcome newcomers with open arms regardless of how they were dressed, but nobody likes to stick out like a sore thumb and being appropriate in dress and language and behaviour makes life easier.

Inappropriate = uncomfortable and awkward.   Im on the church safeguarding panel.  If I hear the word ' inappropriate' my heart skips a beat.  None of us want anything inappropriate to be going on in church - especially not with our children and vulnerable adults.  There are rules which we are all expected to follow - the thing is that most of these rules are unspoken, socially constructed and learned by osmosis.  Sometimes people get it wrong.  There needs to be grace when people ( or when we ourselves) make mistakes. But for those who will not or cannot consistently behave in an appropriate manner there are systems in place to address concerns.  And we need those systems.  They church has had to learn the hard way that ignoring inappropriate behaviour and language never ends well

So, having waffled all of that, here's the takeaway today.  If someone makes you feel uncomfortable dont excuse it, dont try to ignore it. Address it.  Because you probably arent the only one feeling that way.  If you see something that you feel is inappropriate - or overhear something - then challenge it. Gently and graciously.  Most people dont mean to make things awkward and dont even realise the effect they are having.  Our job is to gently correct and rebuke.  How will they learn if nobody tells them?   It might be your minister.  ( I once went to a church where the minister constantly made jokes at the expense of his wife.  They werent funny and it was just really awful. I didnt say anything. I wish I had)   Part of being a grown up Christian is stepping up to challenge this stuff.  Church will never be perfect, but we can definitely all do better. Lets appropriate (verb) Godliness, annex holiness and grasp as much goodness and kindness as we possibly can.